"Lego" of Gender Stereotypes

Lego, I've loved you for as long as I can remember.

From the days of creating simplistic towers and faux weapons with your larger blocks, to graduating to the smaller blocks and building intricate spaceships and cityscapes, you gave me endless amounts of entertainment and creative development as a child. You taught me spatial relations. You taught me the basics of physics. You helped me learn to stretch the creative portion of my brain to realize that with a set of basic blocks, the potential end results were limitless. I even posted about my excitement when it was announced that Legoland would be coming to town.

But I have to admit..you've disappointed me recently. When the news broke that you decided to create a specific line of Legos for girls, I was baffled. Since when did Lego need to have gender-specific subsets? Why, all of a sudden, did a perfectly gender-neutral and universal toy need to be made into something that segregated and dissected its products into 'boy Legos' and 'girl Legos'?

No. Just no.

I don't get it. Sure, you pin it on 'research'. You say that girls 'play differently'. But did you ever think that girls 'play differently' because companies like you try to pigeonhole them into a specific way of playing?

You refer to your own product as 'masculine'. I suggest you come over and tell my 2-year-old daughter that she's playing wrong, because she absolutely loves her set of Legos. It's nothing fancy. It's the same tub I played with when I was a kid, in fact.

Sure, you've created playsets for movies like Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. You have sets with rocketships and astronauts. Newsflash: girls can like those things too.

Girls don't need a Lego house with a pink roof where they can pretend to be Susie Homemaker. They don't need a playset where they pretend to be a pop singer diva. Will some of them want this stuff? Sure. But what girls don't need is you telling them 'Hey, THESE Legos are for you! Ignore all of those others!' And from what I can tell via screenshots, your new 'Legos for girls' take away the one aspect of your toy that made it special: BUILDING. My daughter loves to build things with her Legos. She doesn't need a miniskirted figurine to prance around with, and she certainly doesn't need you telling her that's how she should be using your products.

I won't be buying any of your Legos for Girls products. As far as I'm concerned, my daughter will continue playing with my old Lego sets until they get lost or destroyed in a fire. She doesn't need you telling her how to play or what it means to 'play like a girl'. Instead, I'll let her use Legos like they should always be intended: an open-ended tool for her to create whatever her heart desires without instruction.

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A MINE Sweeping Realization

Though my daughter is now officially in her 'Terrible Twos' phase, she naturally got a head start on this period of stubbornness and started her 'No' phase months ago. But now that I've become numb to the consistent toddler hard-headedness, a new behavioral development has entered the fray: The 'Mine' phase.

While the sheer thought of this phase may strike fear into the hearts of some parents, I've spent most of the time scratching my head out of confusion. Because here's the thing: my daughter is weird. And most of the objects she's been claiming as 'hers' are really absurd or just don't make any sense.

Nail clippers. Diced carrots. A bucket lid. A washcloth.

It just hasn't added up. I might have been worried up to this point if she was stealing items from people and claiming them as hers or trying to do it with things like expensive electronics or priceless antique heirlooms (as if I own any of those anyway). So what's the story then? Why the random objects? Why the sudden insistence on claiming items of no value as hers? Then it came to me this morning.

My toddler is a hoarder.

It all makes sense now, really. How she can sit in her own poop and not seem to mind. How she dumps all of her toys all over the living room and takes no issue with just walking all over and through the mess. How, if it were up to her, she'd bring every cat, dog and woodland creature into our home and let it live there indefinitely. I've watched TV. I've seen the reality shows. I know these symptoms, and I know my daughter is starting the path to becoming a grade-A, certified pack rat.

For the love of God, tell me this won't be my daughter in 40 years.

Parents, stop for a moment and take off your rose-colored glasses. Listen for a moment. Does your toddler claim strange objects as his or her own? Look at their room. Should there be FEMA trailers parked next to their changing table? Maybe you are raising a junior hoarder yourself and just don't recognize the signs. Don't live in denial.

So the next time I hear her proclaim "Mine!" for a random, unnecessary object, only one question will come to mind..

Do I start the intervention now or wait until I've pitched a new toddler hoarding concept to A&E?

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Controlling the Sailor

I have a terrible mouth. Really. Ever since I discovered cursing, my language has gotten progressively worse, and in college it was safe to say that I could rarely form a sentence without an expletive thrown in. To say I cursed like a sailor seems like a bit of an understatement.

Of course, the birth of my daughter caused me to make an immediate change in my choice of words. The majority of the time, you might hear me using such dangerous phrases as 'Geeze Louise', 'Son of a bee sting' or 'Mother of pearl'. Every time I feel myself getting worked up and on the verge of spouting out some atrocious set of words, I feel those little, blue innocent eyes looking up at me waiting to hear what I'm about to say. And given the fact that at her age, she's essentially a parrot, I've developed an amazing amount of self-control and ability to censor myself.

But, sometimes I slip. And on rare occasion, I've slipped big time. One such occasion occurred just the other day, when I was participating in my most common curse-inducing activity..

DRIVING.

I have no patience on the road. Zero. Zilch. I am that person that you see on your morning commute that is hitting the steering wheel and screaming like they just escaped from the sanitarium. 'Road rage' often seems like too innocent of a phrase to describe the furies I can get into when people are driving like morons.

I think this guy forgot to put a few fingers down.

Despite this fact, I've done a really good job of keeping my temper in check when I have Ava in the car. But recently, I was driving along like any other evening, when some mental giant cut me off and slammed on his brakes. I narrowly avoided bashing into his car, and all I could think was 'If my daughter gets hurt right now, I will go to jail for murdering this person on the side of the road'. After normal traffic resumed, and I had pulled myself together, I realized that I had definitely cursed during this situation, but honestly didn't remember exactly what I had said. Until a little voice emerged from the backseat that clued me in..

"Fah…keeng…id…uht."

Oh. Oh dear God. As Ralphie from A Christmas Story would say, I dropped the queen mother of all dirty words, and Ava played it right back for me as a reminder of how terrible of a person I am.

With my jaw now hitting the gas pedal and my heart rate skyrocketing, I panicked to figure out how to address this with her. The only thing I could think of was to say "No no, we don't say that, that's bad!" Of course, she's staring at my blankly, and I can hear the tiny voice in her head saying, "Wwell then why did you say it, idiot?" And why wouldn't she stare at me blankly? She's 2, she doesn't know what a 'bad' word is, she's still wrapping her head around what a WORD even is.

I essentially realized that there was nothing I could do at the moment, other than hope that she didn't repeat it again, and use the scenario as a reminder to be constantly aware of what's coming out of my mouth. Fortunately, she didn't say it again, though I was on pins and needles for the entire drive, hoping that this phrase wouldn't suddenly become a staple of her toddler lexicon. I was just imagining her wandering around saying "Elmo? Mickey? Chicken? Fucking idiot?"

I felt like a terrible parent. A terrible person, really. But as the night went on, my guilt subsided as I realized that I'm obviously not the first person to curse in front of their child, even the first person to drop the good old F-Bomb. Ava isn't going to grow up to be some maladjusted ne'er-do-well simply because I had a spell of road rage.

I know the cursing sailor in me will never completely die, but the key is learning to control when he makes his presence known.

What about you, parents? Have you had a moment where your inner sailor came back to haunt you?

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I'll Be The Judge Of That

I won't beat around the bush; I'm a judgmental person. It's rare for a day to go by where I'm not raising an eyebrow at someone for something they've done or said that I find to be less than intelligent or not my style. Am I proud of it? No. Do I wish I could change it? Sort of. Has my constant eye for scrutinizing others paid off at times, or resulted in me being "right" in my judgment? That's where things get hairy.

If there's one area in my life where I've tried to hold back a little on being judgmental, it's toward other parents. My last 2 years as a father have taught me a couple things. 1) There's no tried and true method to parenting. What might seem "right" to one parent could be totally ineffective and wrong for another. 2) What might seem like questionable parenting at first glance may have a much deeper story to it. I don't know how many times Ava has fallen or hurt herself, leaving a noticeable wound on her face, arm, etc. And EVERY time, I worry that I'm going to take her out in public and someone will think I have been abusing her or something.

With all of that being said, sometimes my mental alarm still blares when I see parents do certain things. Every now and then I'll just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and some mom or dad triggers my Derpdar (like Gaydar but for idiots) and I can't help but put my judge's robe on.

Example: I was recently driving to the gym, and as I turned into the gym parking lot, a dad was leading his 2 children on a weaving bike ride right through the middle of the parking lot. Now, granted, this isn't exactly a Walmart parking lot on Sunday, but there were still plenty of cars pulling in and out of the lot and having to come to sudden stops to avoid hitting this family. If it was just the grown man doing this, I would  have said whatever, and gone along with my day hoping that this imbecile gets knocked off his Huffy as karmic retribution for being a moron. But here he was, guiding 2 kids that couldn't have been older than 9, in what was literally the worst place to ride a bike other than right out on 135th Street.

Yes, I judged this guy. And no, I don't feel sorry. He was being a bonehead. And when you are dragging your kids into your ill-thought-out, dangerous activities and putting them at risk of getting hurt, you deserved to be judged a little bit.

Judge Judy riding her invisible Derpcycle.

Example 2: While using self-checkout at the grocery store recently, the other self-check lane was occupied by two women, one with a small toddler in the shopping cart, the other with an especially rambunctious boy, probably around 4 years old. This kid was definitely a bit over-energetic, but it's not like he was a feral child climbing the walls and attacking innocent patrons. But the way that his mother was acting towards him, you would have thought he was committing felonies. Never have I heard a woman be so unnecessarily loud toward her child, repeatedly use the word 'stupid' to describe him, and then the clincher was when she reached back, grabbed a fistful of his hair, and dragged him by his head forward to where she was. The kid was clearly in pain (hell, I cringed just watching it) and the mom showed no remorse.

Now in this situation, there was no "Well maybe there's more to the story than what I've seen." This was just a woman being a jackass, for lack of a better term, toward her kid. And clearly, I wasn't the only one who thought so because shortly after the hair dragging incident occurred, another woman walked up to the mother and made a comment about it being unnecessary. Of course, this started another explosion, but that exchange could fill a blog post itself. Yep, I judged the hell out of this woman, and deservingly so. In the end, she was acting like more of an animal than her son.

It's silly to say 'Don't judge others'. Because really, it's an impossible feat. Sure, there might be some religious zealots out there that disagree, but the reality is, there are situations where judging isn't done to be mean, but is done out of genuine concern for another human being. I didn't judge the parents in these two instances because they were wearing something weird, or smelled like old cheese, or something else petty along those lines. I questioned their actions because I was legitimately concerned for the safety and well-being of their kids. Don't feel bad for judging others if, at the root of it all, you have valid concerns or good intentions. To me, being judgmental, like eating fried food, is okay in moderation.

Being judgmental is just harder to dip in ranch dressing.

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Living Single

Though I wish this post's title was an homage to Khadijah, Synclaire, Max and Kyle (thumbs up if you caught that joke), it is unfortunately a reference to a major life change that has occurred for me in the past week. I am now divorced and 'living single'. The following is a few random thoughts and observations on divorce and my life going forward as a single father. It may not be completely coherent and fluid, but let's face it, neither is my brain right now so it's fairly representative of how I feel.

Divorce is a strange, convoluted process. Fortunately, ours was very easy compared to how it could have been and can be for some couples. And of course, I say that with the precursor that divorce is never easy for anybody. Because although the decision was a mutual and cordial one for me and my ex, divorce is a stressful, draining and emotional process no matter how quickly or efficiently you are able to get it done.

All of that being said, I feel incredibly fortunate that my ex and I are remaining friends and I know we will do an incredible job of co-parenting. She's a great mother and I'd like to think that I'm a great father. And even in separate households, I have complete faith that the two of us will work together and do everything in our power to create a wonderful life for our daughter.

I think one of the odd things about divorce is trying to share the news with other people. Let's face it, divorce is a major life event. But, it's not treated like other major life events. Engagements, weddings and child births are all approached with mass announcements. Proactive e-mails, phone calls, letters, etc. are made to spread the big news to everyone far and wide. Heck, even when someone passes away, friends and family will get together to celebrate the life of the person that has left. But divorce is treated as such a taboo and 'hush hush' subject, that it's difficult knowing just how to let people know. You feel like people should be aware. But how do you casually bring that up? Honestly, nobody knows how to react. And though some may not come right out and say it, you can always tell when someone puts on their judging eyes after they hear the news.

The divorce makes me feel like a wobbly drunk. One moment I feel like I'm taking one step forward, the next I feel like I'm taking two steps back. My attitude and mind is in a constant tip-toeing state of flux, where I'm optimistic at the prospect of doing what's right, but disappointed that I feel like I've moved my life in reverse.

I'm a worrier by nature. It's rare for a day to go by where my head isn't filled with anxiety about something, whether it's related to money, work, etc. Well, naturally my new role as a divorced single dad has added a whole new set of worries to my life.

I worry that I'll miss out. We're getting to a point where there's going to be a lot of major events in my daughter's life. Before, working full-time, my time with my daughter was limited already. And now, even with joint custody, it's going to be limited even more. I am so frightened at the idea of not being there for significant events in her life. For example, last night she used the 'big girl potty' for the first time. To non-parents, this might seem insignificant or something strange to be excited about. But really, it was disheartening that I couldn't be there for something that is a parental milestone and something worth being proud of. While I loved the news and getting the phone call about it, I couldn't help but feel bummed that I wasn't there. What else will I miss out on? What else will be reduced to just a celebratory phone call?

I worry that I'll be replaced. I know, it might seem like a silly thing to say. But I can't help it. I know that I will always be my daughter's daddy. But I also know that inevitably, my ex will find another man to share her life with, and in the end, part of her life is our daughter. As a new guy begins to spend time and hang out with Ava, I am scared shitless (pardon my French) that a day will come where she wants to hang out with him more than me. Again, it may be a completely baseless and absurd fear to have, but it's just something that's there in my mind.

I worry that I'll be undateable. Let's face it, "26-year-old divorced father" isn't exactly a hot commodity title on paper. I'm at the age where everyone is getting engaged, married or having a baby (trust me, Facebook confirms this fact every day). Of all the women that are still single, I doubt there are many examining the fish left in the sea and going for the one that has a fry (this is the word for a baby fish, apparently..thanks Google). Maybe this is my own self-created delusion, but I feel like divorced parents are looked at as tarnished and well, how do I put this..women can be really picky. Note that I said CAN BE, and that not ALL of you are *ducks flying tomatoes*! But seriously, as confident as I am in what I have to offer somebody in the future, I can't help but feel like I'm walking around with a scarlet letter 'D' emblazoned on my chest.

I worry I just won't be the same. I know that's a vague, generic statement. But right now, I just feel drained in every sense of the word. Emotionally, mentally, some days even physically, I just don't feel like I'm 100% 'me'. I know it will be a process. I know, that like every rough turn in life, there's recovery time needed to get back on the steady, straightened path. I don't want to be pessimistic. I don't want to assume that I'll have no luck in love in the future. I don't want to think that my relationship with my daughter will be scarred. I'm haunted by 'What ifs' and 'mights', but I need to get rid of those mental demons and give myself some clarity as I move forward. Because in the end, that's what I have to remind myself. I AM moving forward. The steps might seem shaky, and sometimes I'll scoot back slightly to keep myself balanced, but the forward progress is there.

I can't live my life worried about being negatively judged on the labels of "divorced" or "single dad". Because ultimately, it's just me. And I'll be the best me I can be, regardless of arbitrary titles.

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Beats and Beer Friday

Once again, it's been a long break since I've done Beats and Beer Friday, but I'm excited to bring it back. The beats and beer selections this week juxtapose each other a bit; my music selection is an up and coming artist who I guarantee will make a big splash in hip hop, while the beer selection is a regular favorite of mine that is sadly going to no longer be available where I live.

Beats

G-Eazy

Now in the past, I've highlighted a specific album, but this time, I'm focusing on an artist as a whole because I've been so enamored with exploring his music. I pretty much discovered G-Eazy by accident after recently listening to the A3C Volume I Compilation. I had originally copped the album for a few other artists that I enjoyed, but his song 'Rebel' suddenly became my runaway favorite from the collection.

As I usually do, I proceeded to do my Internet research and found a couple of albums of G-Eazy's, which I downloaded and immediately started playing for I went to bed. Needless to say, I was sucked in. I went to bed not wanting to put the headphones down, and was very excited to start playing his music again when I woke up and headed off to work.

It's hard to pin a specific style down on this Bay Area emcee and producer. A number of his songs off of his most recent release, Endless Summer, have a retro pop feel (samples of The Crystals and Dion, among others, certainly help contribute to this), while track off his ealier release, The Outsider, touch on dubstep, club rap and even R&B influences. However, unlike other artists who do this because they can't grasp where their 'place' is in hip-hop, G-Eazy successfully pulls off all of these incarnations. It makes his music consistently fresh and enjoyable. I suggest gathering up as much of his music as you can, going on a long drive and hitting shuffle on his songs. You won't be disappointed.






Want to find out more about G-Eazy? You can visit his website, Facebook page or Twitter page.


Beer

Bear Republic Racer 5 IPA

The states of Kansas and Missouri received some sad beer-related news this past week, as we found out that Bear Republic, out of Healdsburg, CA, will no longer be distributing in either state. While many breweries are scaling back distribution due to heavy demand, and the Kansas City area has felt a couple losses because of that, seeing Bear Republic go is incredibly disappointing. A consistently good and well-priced brewer is something you never want to see disappear, and in this case, it hit close to home because Racer 5 was one of the first IPA's I ever tried.

To me, Racer 5 is simply one of the best balanced IPA's around. It has a nice hit of hops without being overloaded with bitter aftertaste, and there's a touch of sweetness that compliments the hops without turning it into a sugary mess. If the BeerAdvocate and RateBeer reviews are any indication, the majority of people who have had this beer tend to agree that it's an excellent example of the style. Plus, at a pretty respectable price point, it's something that a craft beer 'rookie' can try without having to worry about blowing money on something they won't enjoy.

So Racer 5, and Bear Republic as a whole, I salute you. You will certainly be missed around these parts, and I know I'm not the only one that feels this way. I have every intention of stocking up on Bear Republic brews over the next couple weeks before they disappear from the shelves. And for all of you that still have Bear Republic distributed in your area, don't pass Racer 5 over. Grab some for yourself this weekend and enjoy.

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Parents Are Weird

Last night at a friend's house, her roommate showed me a project she had been working on; painting a plaster cast that her friend had molded around her pregnant belly. This was certainly not the first time I had seen or heard of a pregnant woman making a cast of her stomach, but it got me to thinking. Because the fact is..it's kind of strange. In fact, there are a lot of bizarre things that people start doing once they become parents that to the outside world, probably seem a little freakish.

Now, before I get into my examples, I should note that I mean no offense to any of you parents who partake in these activities (except maybe number 4). In fact, I'm guilty of at least one and who knows what I might fall victim to in the future. But the fact is, as a parent you have to laugh at yourself a bit and realize that having children kind of turns us into lunatics.

Saving hair and teeth

I put this one first because it's probably the most common and the one I'll probably catch the most heat for. Saving 'baby's first lock' and 'baby's first tooth' as keepsakes seems to be a pretty widely accepted practice. But can we stop for a second and look at this for what it is? YOU ARE SAVING A HUMAN BEING'S HAIR AND TEETH. When a loved one passes away, do we snip off their bangs and pull out a tooth to preserve their memory? No, because that would be super creepy. Just because the person is alive doesn't eliminate that creepy factor, it only lessens it slightly. When somebody asks about your child, do you think they want to be greeted with a Ziploc bag containing hair follicles and a molar? No. Show them a damn picture already and leave it at that.

Matching outfit family portraits

I just want to thank all the families that insist on wearing matching clothes in their annual family photos. I mean, without the matching outfits, I might have just thought it was a picture of some random strangers who happened to congregate for a smiling photo in a grassy field. But dammit, those slim fit khakis and untucked white linen shirts let everybody know 'Hey, we're a FAMILY. We get along so well with each other that we coordinated these matching outfits and LOVE it!' Don't worry though, we'll ignore Junior scowling in the corner and the fact that you wear different outfits the other 364 days and 22 hours of the year. Just remember, at some point you will run out of colors to wear, and I don't think matching plaid will make for a very aesthetically pleasing portrait.

Do you REALLY want to model your family portraits after the Partridges?

Stick figure window decals

First of all, if you have a family of more than 4 kids, don't even think about ordering one of these. Nobody wants to sit there and stare at your small army of line people at a stoplight, and your 12 passenger Ford Econoline van gives us a pretty good indication that you have procreated way too many times. But even for the rest of you, I have to ask: Why? Why do you find it necessary to inform the driver behind you of your family lineup? Especially when you include NAMES on the decal too. Do you think that, if we happen to end up at the same destination, I'm going to come up and greet you? "Hey Bill, I just wanted to say I really appreciated how quick you were on the gas at those red lights. And I sure hope Kelsey stayed entertained with that Little Mermaid DVD in the back!" Trust me, with our without a decal, we can tell you have kids. Between your erratic driving as you try to discipline them and their faces pressed up against the window harassing other drivers, nobody is questioning the fact that you have some very lovely little tikes riding along.

Pageants

Now this one..this goes beyond weird parental behavior and really reaches the depths of creepy and gross. Are there normal, respectful pageant parents out there that have their child's best interest at heart? Maybe, but if so, I've never seen or heard about them. Quite frankly, I don't see what part of painting up your young daughter and dressing her like she's working a corner translates to healthy, beneficial behavior. Your child is a human, not your little doll that you can take advantage of and live vicariously through. If you want to treat something like a soulless creature that you can prance around for competition purposes, go buy a cat and enter the Cat Fanciers Association National Show. Just please quit trying to force your daughters to act 15 years older than their age and teaching them that being the prettiest is how you 'win' in life. Simply put, pageant parents should be flogged with curling irons and thrown into a giant vat of boiling eyebrow wax.

Leashes

Okay, so admittedly, I was a leash kid. Temporarily, anyway. I was very high energy, and after a few shopping trips where I disappeared inside the circular racks at JC Penney, she resorted to trying a leash. It didn't last long. As the story goes, one day while I was out with her, being trotted along on my leash, I had apparently decided I was fed up and wouldn't put up with it anymore. While I don't remember this, my mom claims I stopped in my tracks, turned and grabbed the leash, and gave it a solid yank accompanied by an echoing, bloodcurdling scream. Needless to say, the leash was not brought back out again. I understand that leashes (or 'safety harnesses', which I believe is the PC term) aren't inherently cruel, everyone has to admit that it's just strange to see a small child strapped up like an untrained Yorki-Poo. If you HAVE to use a leash, then by all means do it. But for the love of Whoever-You-Believe-In, exhaust all other options first. I'm convinced that my adult fears of seatbelts and suspenders are directly correlated to the incidents of being harnessed as a child.

Expensive devices for young kids

The other day, I saw someone tweet that their 5 and 3 year olds were playing with 'their' iPods. Wait, what? A 3 year old has his or her own iPod? First of all, money issues aside, what kind of music library does a 3 year old have that requires multiple gigabytes of space? Are you telling me that The Wiggles discography isn't something that could be chopped down and put onto a CD or 2? And besides that, aren't you just flushing money down the toilet by giving an expensive electronic device to a 3 year old? If you think that's a good investment of your money, I've got a bridge in Brooklyn that is a hot buy right now. Quite frankly, it seems like the 'acceptable' age for buying kids iPods, smartphones, etc. is becoming younger and younger. By giving a 3 year old an iPod, aren't you just setting them up to constantly expect electronics that are more expensive and more lavish as they get older? An iPad isn't a normal wish list item for a 5th birthday party. Kids aren't even going to learn to tie their shoes anymore because, hey, why bother going outside when I can sit inside and get hypnotized by an LCD screen?

I bet she's listening to Waka Flocka Flame.

Bronzed baby shoes

I don't know how common this is anymore, but it's still bizarre. You don't bronze their first poop in the toilet, so why bronze a pair of shoes? Here's an idea: instead of creating an expensive paperweight that, in 20 years, you'll recycle for 12 cents, donate your kids old shoes to someone who really needs them. As great as awkward, metallic mementos are, being able to help someone else's child take their first steps comfortably could be a million times more meaningful.

Pictures. Pictures. And more. Freaking. Pictures.

Right off the bat, I'll admit, I'm guilty of this one. But parents, we need to band together and have a self-intervention to convince ourselves to put the camera down sometimes. And on the same note, to resist the constant urges to upload every single picture to Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc. Yes, our kids are adorable and special and the best things on the planet. To us, anyway. But every meal, nose picking, nap, or new outfit doesn't necessarily need to be photographed. In reality, these moments might be more memorable and special if we step away from the lens and get involved rather than try to get the 'perfect' shot for our Facebook walls. And seriously, lay off the impromptu, uninvited gallery shows for co-workers, friends, etc. Keep in mind this is coming from a parent. I HAVE a kid, and still don't really care that much about seeing 500 pictures of someone else's kid. Sometimes I wish I could carry an air horn around to blast at people who do this, especially when a 10 minute story accompanies each photo.

Do I sound like a curmudgeony old man with this list? Yeah, probably. Hey, Andy Rooney's going to need a replacement, right? But like I said above, if you are guilty of any of these, don't get offended; just laugh. Except for the pageant stuff. Then throw yourself into an active volcano.

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Help Find Lisa Irwin

10-month-old Lisa Irwin went missing from her Kansas City home the night of October 3rd. At this point, it's believed that she was kidnapped.

What started as a case for local police has now expanded into a nationwide hunt for this little girl. The FBI has become involved, and the Irwins were in Good Morning America today, once again pleading for their daughter's abductor to return her, no questions asked.

Please see the flyer below with details on her disappearance and ways to reach out if you have any information that can help return this child to her parents. Although police have received 47 tips, many were vague and so far none have led to any big breaks in the case.

In case you can't see the image, here are links where you can find more information:

Facebook page

Kansas City Star articles

ABC News article

CBS News article

If you have any information on Lisa's disappearance, PLEASE call the Kansas City TIPS hotline at 816-474-TIPS or 911. I can't imagine the pain these parents are going through, and if we can pull together as a country and look for this little girl, who knows? Maybe we can help make a miracle happen and reunite the Irwins with their little girl.

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The Defiant Toddler Drinking Game

My daughter has officially begun her "No" phase, and has started things off in full force. Every question asked of her is promptly countered with a defiant "No!" But rather than spout out a long-winded post about my experiences with terrifying phase that every parent has to deal with, I instead decided to create a method of dealing with the issue. Parents, please see The Defiant Toddler Drinking Game below. Enjoy, and remember to parent in moderation!

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The Elmo Trance

My daughter is coming up on 2 years old, which basically means that few, if any, things in this world can get her to sit still and pay attention for more than 5 seconds. Every day is a whirlwind of short-lived activities and sporadic, pinball-like movement that would dizzy any adult trying to keep up.

However, there is one special creature that can magically hold her attention for an extended period of time..

Elmo.

Yep, that spastic, constantly cackling red pile of yarn that nearly all parents grow to love and hate simultaneously. I don't know what it is about this particular Muppet that sends my daughter into a near comatose state every time he's squealing and whining on the television.

I grew up a Sesame Street kid. But 20ish years ago, Elmo wasn't this childrens' mega-celebrity like he is now. If anything, Big Bird was the hot shot back in the 80's, what with movies like Follow That Bird and Big Bird in Japan ( To this day, I still remember the "Ohio means 'Good Morning', that's my favorite one! 1-2-3 is Iche, Nee, San!" song). Sometimes I wonder if Big Bird is pissed that this little ADHD-riddled, red lunatic stormed in and stole his thunder. But in the end, I guess it's the viewers that choose who becomes a star, like some kind of bizarre kids American Idol with puppets and slightly more annoying voices (except Adam Lambert, he wins that competition by miles).

But I digress with my Sesame Street-reality show analogies. The point here is that I am floored by the fact that Elmo can keep my daughter's undivided, complete attention for such a long time. Right now her favorite thing to watch is an Elmo's World DVD that is around 40 minutes long, and she sits still for the WHOLE THING. 40 minutes! To you non-parents out there, that might seem like something to scoff at, but to me, 40 minutes of my child sitting still is equivalent to the heavens opening up and raining down beer and $100 bills (okay, maybe not quite, but pretty close). And let's face it, it's not like this is groundbreaking material; the entire show focuses on Elmo finding out about hats, jackets and shoes. But as I've watched this DVD a few times, I realize what the appeal is for children. Elmo's World is like one giant acid trip.

The Elmo Trance in full effect.

Seriously though, think about it. He lives in a house created with crayons that has living doors and drapery. His best friend is a goldfish named Dorothy whose thoughts he can see. A strange homeless drunk named Mr. Noodle lives in the alley right outside his window, and is seen as a source of advice and entertainment. Inanimate objects regularly come to life and hold conversations with Elmo. And at the end of the day, Elmo sings a song to the same tune, repeating the same word over..and over..and OVER. And this is all done as Elmo runs around laughing maniacally and referring to himself in the third person.

It's this simple: my daughter gets stuck in a catatonic trance induced by the hallucinogenic world of Elmo and his friends.  Watching Elmo is like dropping acid or eating mushrooms for toddlers. They get transported into a confusing, over-stimulating world of abnormal characters and imagery where all they can do is try their best to focus for an hour and figure out what the hell is going on. And if they break that focus, who knows what could happen. All they can do is grip the sides of their high chair, car seat, couch, etc. and hang on for dear, furry life.

While there are times when Elmo makes me want to tear my own ears off (another hallucinogenic effect?), I have to appreciate that fact that he can help reign in my daughter's attention for longer than 2 minutes. Enjoy your virtual Muppet-led acid trip, Ava; it better be the only kind you ever have!

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Help me send a girl to STEM Camp

While the recent JC Penney 'I'm too pretty to do homework..' t-shirt fiasco has resulted in a lot of negative and angry response on the Internet, I decided to take a different approach to how I reacted. I'm not going to create an angry petition. I'm not going to harass them on Facebook and Twitter. Nor am I going to create a product to sell where I turn around and pocket the profits. This situation isn't about opportunism or seeing who can yell the loudest in response. This situation should be about promoting the organizations and people that encourage positive academic development in our girls nationwide.

I came across the organization Girlstart, which is an Austin, Texas based group that has a goal of empowering girls in science, technology, engineering and math. They hold numerous events throughout the year, including summer camps where girls get to explore these subjects and expand their minds.

Because sending a girl to one of these camps is costly ($350), Girlstart has set up a Summer Camp Scholarship Fund that allows people to donate and help send a girl to camp. So here's my request for all of you that are able:

Help me send a girl to STEM Camp. 

Is there a better way to show your support for girls' academic achievement then to help send one to a camp that focuses on science and mathematics? Boycotting JC Penney isn't going to help. Sending a girl to camp will.

Visit my Crowdrise page and help me raise $350 to send a girl to camp. If we raise even more than that, great! Note that all donations made on Crowdrise go DIRECTLY to the organization; no shady business going on.

Please spread this post and the link to my Crowdrise page to all parties that you think may be interested. We owe it to our girls to do everything we can to encourage their academic development and cultivate their interest in learning.

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Drinking for Joplin

When you already love drinking great beer, it makes the experience even more enjoyable when you can benefit a charitable cause while doing so. Kansas City's hometown brewery, Boulevard Brewing Company, recently announced that for every barrel of Boulevard beer sold in Missouri during the month of September, they will donate $1 toward the Joplin, Missouri relief efforts. As a reminder to those that may be out of the loop, Joplin was hit by a deadly EF5 tornado in late May that destroyed most of the city.

Full press release from Boulevard:

Boulevard Brewing Company is proud to announce a new effort to assist victims of the devastating tornado that hit Joplin on May 22. For every barrel of Boulevard beer sold in Missouri during the month of September, the company will contribute $1.00 to the American Red Cross to aid in its ongoing Joplin relief efforts. Irrespective of the Boulevard brand or package—a six-pack, a Smokestack bottle, or a pint at any Missouri bar or restaurant—money will be contributed to the humanitarian organization.

“We haven’t forgotten,” said John McDonald, Boulevard founder and president. “And with 40% of our sales taking place in the state, we hope to be able to make a meaningful contribution to the long road of restoration that lies ahead, helping our fellow Missourians rebuild their homes, their neighborhoods, and their lives.”

The EF5 multiple-vortex tornado that destroyed one-third of Joplin was one of the worst natural disasters in Missouri history. Meteorologists indicate that the 190-mph twister was the single deadliest tornado to strike the country in more than 60 years, claiming 134 lives and damaging or destroying more than 2,000 buildings, including Joplin High School and St. John’s Regional Medical Center. Analysts estimate the total cost of the disaster could top $3 billion.

“It’s no secret that Boulevard beer is one of Kansas City’s treasures,” said Matt Meyer, chief executive officer for the Greater Kansas City Chapter of the American Red Cross, “and the Red Cross is incredibly grateful that such an esteemed company has decided to demonstrate its commitment to its local communities throughout Missouri by assisting us in the Joplin relief effort.”

It's great to hear about this effort from Boulevard, and it makes me even more inclined to drink their beer during the month of September. So if you live in Missouri, or will even be stopping through at any point during the month of September, pick up some Boulevard beer and help Joplin get restored. Maybe now is the perfect time to try their new release, Nommo Dubbel. And especially now that FEMA funds are being redirected from Joplin to Hurricane Irene victims, it's as important as ever to contribute in any way we can to get this city back on its feet.

Learn more about Boulevard Brewing Company on their website, Facebook or Twitter pages.

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Soul Providers Crew - The Soul Keeps Rockin First Edition

The Soul Providers Crew is a collective of numerous talented MCs hailing from Kansas City. With 12 members, it can be hard to keep up with everything they are doing, especially when it's all incredibly dope music. These guys are like a cross between a Midwest Wu-Tang Clan and a hip-hop Megazord on steroids (and yes, that is a compliment). Because they are all busy working on their own material, it can be difficult for the whole group to come together to produce something as a whole. To make up for this fact, they've decided to release a mix series featuring work from each of the crew's members.

The first in this series, The Soul Keeps Rockin First Edition, dropped a few days ago and is a fantastic glimpse into what this group has to offer. Whether you are a previous Soul Providers Crew fan, or new to their music, this mix is a great way to get a taste of what they have to offer and revel in the diversity of their musical offerings.

Check out the mix below, and while you're at it, head over to their Soundcloud page and check out more of their music. You can also keep up with the latest on their Facebook group page.

  "The Soul Keeps Rockin" First Edition by Soul Providers Crew

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Creating a Generation of Wussies

Over the weekend, while at the park with my daughter, I came to a disturbing revelation. Now, normally when I'm with her on the playground, I'm pretty focused on her as she tears around the equipment with reckless abandon. But on this day, a brief conversation between siblings sparked my interest. A young girl, let's say 9 or 10, had climbed up one of the pieces of playground equipment and was perched sitting on top of it. Now keep in mind, that was what this specific piece of equipment was intended for; it had ladder-style bars and a flattened area on top for sitting. The girl shouted down to her brother, who I'd guess was 6 or 7, and summoned him to come up to the top with her. His response? "No, that's too dangerous!"

Wait, what? Did I hear that right? I had to do a double, if not triple take. This is a 1st or 2nd grade boy labeling a pretty harmless activity as TOO DANGEROUS? I had to stop and process this information. First of all, there's no way this is his own logic speaking. We've all been 6 before; 'too dangerous' is not a concept that we recognize. And that being said, there's no way he heard it from his friends. So there's only one answer..this kid was coming to this conclusion based on information he received from an adult, probably a parent or teacher. Mind-blowing. After witnessing this, and thinking about some other things I had read and heard about recently, I came to one conclusion:

Adults, we are creating a generation of wussies.

Sorry to be so blunt about it, but it's true. Now it should be said right out of the gate that I'm not some hardass, gruff father. Not by any means. I'm very much a sensitive person and consider myself relatively progressive when it comes to parenting. But let's face it, the facts are there to support my claim. A recent New York Times article titled 'Can a Playground Be Too Safe?' explored the fact that by trying to over-protect our children, we are actually stifling their development. To borrow the article's quote from Ellen Sandseter, a professor of psychology at Queen Maud University in Norway: "Children need to encounter risks and overcome fears on the playground." A study that Sandester put together with a fellow psychologist proposes that shorter, less risky playground equipment is having negative effects on our children's emotional and mental health. “Paradoxically, we posit that our fear of children being harmed by mostly harmless injuries may result in more fearful children and increased levels of psychopathology," Sandester said.

So, if that conclusion can be drawn from assessing the playground equipment alone, what's to be said about the seemingly sharp increase in parental overprotectiveness? Because let's face it; kids these days are coddled. And the problem only seems to be getting worse. We're in the age of Dateline NBC, lawsuits and protests, where parents are under a constant delusional impression that nothing bad should or will ever happen to their child. We might as well just pop our kids into bubbles right out of the womb so they never get their poor bodies nicked, bruised or hurt. We've seen dodgeball and other competitive games and sports removed from PE classes and recesses around the country because parents say they cause emotional and psychological damage to kids. Interesting. You know what else competitive games and sports can do for kids? Teach them teamwork. Teach them problem solving. Develop their social skills. And of course, stay in shape, which is another severe problem with this generation of children that deserves a blog post all its own.

But parents don't think about that. Instead, if Little Johnny comes home and is upset because he got hit with the dodgeball at school or couldn't keep up in tag, they think he's being victimized and pull out their list of attorneys. No more is it teach, teach, teach. Instead it's sue, sue, sue. Complain, complain, complain. Bitch, piss and moan because my child wasn't handled with soft kid gloves and treated like a super special, unique, one-of-a-kind snowflake that shouldn't be subjected to activities that kids have been doing for decades and turned out JUST FINE.

"Okay Billy, NOW you can walk to the mailbox!"

Here's a little piece of mind for all you neurotic parents out there. I was a chubby kid in grade school. I was never the greatest athlete. But every week, I participated in PE. Every recess, I played kickball or basketball even though I was picked towards the end. I played recklessly on the playground, I rode my bike fast, I ate non-organic foods and here I am years later a well-adjusted, normal human being. I'm not emotionally scarred. I don't have mental health issues stemming from getting pelted with a rubber ball or being picked last for scooter basketball. If you really think that withdrawing your kid from competitive or 'potentially risky' activities will better him or her for life, you are dead wrong. You are the one doing the damage. Overprotective parents are slowly but surely creating a generation of anti-social, developmentally deprived kids who are more likely to be overweight and will probably have anxiety issues because they've been restricted from potentially dangerous situations for their entire childhood.

And here's a message to all you kids, though the ones I'm trying to reach won't read this because their lunatic parents would never let them. That piece of equipment on the playground that someone tells you is 'too dangerous'? It wouldn't be there if it wasn't meant to be played on. Go ahead, climb to the top. And if you fall and get a bruise? Then you've learned something. Life is all about falling, learning from your mistakes, and brushing yourself off as you go forward. And life is also all about competing. The word 'compete' doesn't have to be a bad word, as much as you'll hear some adults make it out to be one. Competition doesn't end in PE class in elementary school. You'll be competing academically and professionally for the rest of your life. Those sports and games, believe it or not, can teach you a few things about how to succeed in life in a respectable way. Plus, they'll help you make friends and keep you from being a future contestant on the Biggest Loser. Get in there and play.

Do I want my daughter to be safe? Yes, of course. Do I WANT to see her get hurt? Of course not. And do I always want her to be happy and feel emotionally sound? Absolutely. But never will I place her into some type of absurd theoretical bubble and prevent her from having important experiences as a child that will help her develop properly. Accidents happen. But with every accident, there's a lesson to be had, and that's the point that some of you parents out there are missing. Quit creating a generation of wussies.

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The Battle of Price Chopper

It was Saturday, August 20th of the 2011th year. The day would go down in infamy as hosting the most intense battle to date between two rivals that will forever butt heads: Independent Toddler and Disciplinary Dad.

The Battle of Price Chopper came to fruition out of seemingly inconsequential circumstances. Disciplinary Dad had escorted Independent Toddler to make a mandatory, standard expedition to the store to purchase rations. Allies at the time of arrival, Disciplinary Dad was ignorant to the fact that Independent Toddler would soon turn on him and make the Battle of Price Chopper a living hell he would never forget.

The first skirmish occurred in the neutral territory of the produce section. The seemingly bright and airy region soon turned gloomy and menacing when Disciplinary Dad refused Independent Toddler her right to carry the 3 pound bag of bananas while in the shopping cart. The decision was predicated on previous encounters where innocent fruit had been sacrificed at the hands of Independent Toddler.

Seeing this as a spit in the face in the wake of their alliance, Independent Toddler showed no hesitation in firing away with a counter attack. A shrieking battle cry followed by rapid fire tears rendered Disciplinary Dad confused and without a plan of action. Quick on his feet, Dad offered a truce of a single banana for Toddler to hold. The offer was accepted and temporarily calmed the storm, but trouble was brewing again on the horizon.

Tired of being restricted to her shopping cart seat and seat belt, the beans and canned tomatoes aisle found Independent Toddler ready to break free from her fabric straps of capitalist oppression. Working quickly to catch Disciplinary Dad off his guard, Independent Toddler let out her signature battle cry and took a sweeping blow at a can of dark red kidney beans in an attempt to shed first culinary blood on the sacred Price Chopper grounds.

Fortunately, through his years of intensive training, Dad saw the can strike in his periphery, and used his cat-like reflexes to make a lunging grab, rescuing the can from what was sure to be an early demise. With narrowed eyes and a stern voice, Disciplinary Dad warned Toddler that such an attack would not be tolerated again and that consequences would be felt.  However, Disciplinary Dad's attempts to assert dominance were soon overcome by fear as he saw an emerging lower lip and watery eyes.

Independent Toddler's shopping cart battle skills were renowned throughout the land.

Wanting to duck for cover but knowing he must face this challenge head on, Disciplinary Dad scooped up Independent Toddler as the tears of battle rained down from her face. Cries for "Mama" echoed through the cavernous shop as Dad did everything in his power to diffuse the situation. Knowing certain weaknesses of the Toddler side, he lowered her to the ground and asked her to help push the cart. Met with a grin, a wave of relief swept over Dad as the trek to reach the frozen foods continued.

A successful march through the dairy section had Dad feeling cautiously optimistic. But he knew that the biggest challenge of this battle still lay ahead. He had the unfortunate task of moving Toddler back to her original position and applying her restraints while he paid for the rations that had been collected. This exact scenario had led to numerous ambush attacks in the past, so Dad kept his head on a swivel and knew that he may encounter the worst.

And encounter the worst he did. All seemed well and good as he approached the belt and loaded his materials. The friendly alliance with Toddler seemed to be returned to it's normal state, and no indications of aggression or tension were present.

But little did Dad know that Toddler was just a small trigger away from the most devastating blow in the history of Price Chopper and Dad alike. Upon seeing Dad's car keys being passed to the checkout clerk for discount redemption, Toddler immediately felt spited and saw her alliance crumble before her very eyes. Those keys were HERS. By allowing a third, unknown party to access those keys was an unconscionable act and had to be dealt with severely. Dad would pay.

All fell silent as a Toddler war scream rattled the windows. An OK! Magazine was grabbed and went flying across the tile. Outstretched arms reached for the object of controversy as "KEEEEEEEEYS!" was repeatedly screeched towards the cashier. Eyes wide with fear, the employee tried to pass the keys to Dad, but fumbled in her fright. Dad lunged to snatch the keys off the belt and handed them to Toddler in hopes of calming her as she sobbed in despair. It worked temporarily, but Dads minutes were numbered. He entered his debit card PIN number as fast as humanly possible, and offered his wallet to Toddler as a secondary peacekeeping gift. The effort worked, and Dad and Toddler made their way to their vehicle to exit Price Chopper.

Sweaty, exasperated and defeated, Dad collapsed into the seat of his car while Toddler gleefully tossed debit and credit cards around the backseat. There was no question. Toddler had won the Battle of Price Chopper. But the War was ongoing, and Dad could only prepare in hopes of getting the upper hand in the next encounter with Independent Toddler.

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One Year Later: A Tribute To Jill

30 years. Said alone, it seems like an incredibly lengthy amount of time. But when applied to someone's life, it's like a blink of an eye. Today marks one year since my sister Jill passed away at just 30 years of age. They say that time heals all wounds, but in reality, the pain and sadness I feel from my sister's passing is just as fresh and omnipresent today as it was the day she passed away. But, this post isn't intended to be about my grief or sorrow. Instead, I thought I'd take this anniversary of her passing to reminisce on Jill's life and the impact she had in her 30 short years.

For those of you blog readers that aren't aware of Jill's story, let me give you a quick summary. (For those of you who are aware, feel free to skip through this paragraph). In February 2000, my sister was in a severe car accident where she hit a semi head-on. The accident left her with severe injuries, including a traumatic brain injury which left her comatose for a long period of time. In the decade between her accident and her passing, Jill had to relearn how to function, period. Talking, walking, basic human tasks, everything. Name a menial daily activity that you take for granted, and she had to learn to do it all over again. Her passing last August was completely unexpected, and happened in her sleep. It was suspected that it may have been related to her brain injury. Jill had experienced several seizures since her accident (which is common for people who suffer brain injuries), and it's very possible that she had a fatal seizure that night.

Jill's 10 years of life preceding her death were incredibly difficult. There's no other way to put it. I had to see my big sister, whom I idolized and looked up to as a youth, go through physical and mental torture to simply be able to live. Countless hours of therapy, multiple surgeries, doctor after doctor after medication after medication. It pained me every day to see what she had to go through just to live what her new version of normal was. But here's the thing: she did it all with a smile. I kid you not. Sure, she had a bad day every now and then, but her attitude throughout her therapy process was absolutely incredible. She approached her development with humility, a sense of humor and genuine determination.

I suppose I should back up a bit and describe Jill before her accident. She was not your typical girly-girl by any means. From a young age, she showed incredible intelligence and constantly strove for academic excellence. She was a proud, t-shirt wearing member of her high school's math club. In college as a science student, she was much more prone to jumping into a lake to collect a specimen than to jump into a keg stand at a party. She was fluent in Spanish and a ridiculously talented pianist. If there was one fault Jill had, it was that she was completely unaware of just how great she was. Whether it was a case of extreme modesty or just a lack of self-awareness, I don't know. But for how talented and smart she was, she was never big-headed or egotistical. In fact, she spent much of her life blending into the background of social scenes and cliques.

For all of these reasons, I grew up with an intense admiration for Jill and who she was. She embraced her "nerddom" and didn't fall victim to outside pressures and influence. She stayed true to who she was and was never apologetic for the things she loved. As I grew up and watched her behavior and attitudes, I tried to model myself after her and never be ashamed of who I was. Jill was a tough 'act' to follow as a kid, because she left a lot to live up to in terms of accomplishments. But as a sibling, she was always a teacher and a friend rather than a taunter or a competitor. Whether it was showing me the secrets of Super Mario Brothers 3 or letting me listen to the Violent Femmes as we rode in her Integra, I cherish every memory I have with Jill, as she was always an open book. I always felt like I was learning something or getting an 'inside glimpse' into her life. Despite our 5 year age difference, she was willing to bond and share with me, and I wish I had thanked her more for that when she was alive.

When her accident occurred, it was absolutely devastating. Her life, as well as our family's, got flipped upside down. Her education and career goals came to a screeching halt. Everything did. But here's the thing about Jill: she perseveres. When she was in her coma, every day was a hope. It was also a fear. It was a question and a worry. Comas aren't like what they show you on TV; people don't just pop out of them, ready to take on the day. It was a slow, gradual process and even when her eyes started to open, the future was still a big, burning question mark. But Jill fought. Slowly, she opened her eyes. Slowly, she began to communicate. Slowly, she spoke again (and in Spanish, nonetheless). She moved limbs, she took steps, she regained her personality and even started playing the piano again (and remembered her old concertos, believe it or not). And here's the amazing part; you might expect most people to become depressed through all this. To have such a promising life, then have it ripped away so suddenly is a horrifying thing.

But something happened to Jill that was on the other end of the spectrum. Jill seemed to gain a newfound sense of increased clarity, compassion and calm. I can honestly say that in the last 10 years of her life, I don't know that I ever heard Jill say a bad word about anyone. She had a new, innate ability to find the good in everyone she met. I hate to use the phrase 'innocence of a child' because I think it belittles her mental capabilities, but there was an air of happiness, trust and joy that was so refreshing. I don't know how she did it. She woke up every day, after experiencing personal tragedy and disaster, and took life on with a beautiful smile. She took a little longer to do things and had missteps and stumbles here and there, but she approached it all with humor and acceptance. Through her surgeries, Jill had a number of metal pieces placed in her skeleton. She used to joke that she was like the bionic woman and how much trouble she has at airport security. She also took a number of medications, and would often joke that she doesn't need to drink because given how all the medications make her feel, adding drunkenness to the mix would be frightening for everybody. I was always astonished that she was able to joke about things that made ME want to cry just knowing that she had to endure them.

Even with her physical and mental setbacks, Jill continued to work hard at everything she did. One of her most recent accomplishments was losing quite a bit of weight. The glow in her face when she would show off her new pants and talk about how much she had lost would always put a smile on my face. I did my best to always remind her that she could do whatever she wanted to do and I would always be there to support her. Considering all she did for me as a kid growing up and trying to figure life out, I owed her that at the very least.

The fact that my beautiful sister had her life cut so short makes my heart hurt constantly. It's not right. It's not fair. It makes me angry that this amazing person who had so much to offer and had such an incredible outlook on life had to leave us. While I'm so happy that she was able to be an Aunt for a short period of time before her passing, it saddens me that she will miss out on so many significant events in Ava's life.

I miss her every day. I'm constantly surrounded by subtle reminders of her and the amazing lessons and legacy that she left behind for us. I can only hope that I live the remainder of my life with the attitude that she had.  And I guess when someone you love is taken away unexpectedly, that's ultimately what you have to do. Use the anger, the sadness, the confusion and frustration, and funnel it into an effort to live your life in honor of the person that left you.

Jill, I promise that I will live the rest of my days in honor of you and the example you set. I love you.

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Put On A Happy Face

I've had a rough week. I won't go into detail (although part of it will be explained in a post later this weekend), but it has been one of the most trying, stressful and saddening weeks I've had in a long time. Here's the hard part about being a dad and having a bad week: I hate being upset or in a bad mood in front of my daughter.

This is a constant mental struggle for me. As her father and as someone she looks up to and is constantly watching, I feel like I should always 'put on my happy face' and be smiling and laughing. She's so quick to mimic and mirror behaviors and attitudes right now that I hate the idea of making her upset or grumpy because she can see that her dad is.

But on the other side of the coin, life isn't always a constant series of good moods. Now, I'm not trying to teach my toddler deep philosophical life lessons already. But, rather than feeling the need to constantly plaster on a fake smile, maybe I should use these bad moods to let my little girl know that it's okay to be sad sometimes. It's okay to have a bad day. It's okay to come home sometimes after a long day and cry, frown or in daddy's case, grab a beer and melt into the couch.

As parents, we all want to be invincible. We want to be the best, the happiest, the smartest, the funniest. Chances are, all of us moms and dads have far too many days where we have to struggle to put on a smile and fight through the urge to scream, cry, punch a pillow, or whatever venting mechanism we need for our frustrations. And sometimes, masking it is okay.

But sometimes, we just need to be transparent. I've realized this week that it's okay for my daughter to know that I'm sad. As happy-go-lucky of a person that I am, I'm only human, and the bad moods will come sometimes. And if I want my daughter to be emotionally healthy and feel comfortable expressing what she's feeling, then I sure as hell better do the same for her as she's growing up and developing. (Don't you love those classic 'Practice what you preach' scenarios?)

The other night when I was with my little girl, I explained to her that I was having a bad week. I told her why. I spilled my guts to my daughter who isn't even 2, and it felt amazing. She had no idea what I was saying for the most part, but she did pick up on the word 'sad'. It's a funny thing about little kids; as much as they are still learning about life, they have a very keen emotional sense. My daughter knows the difference between my goofy, lip-pouting sad face and genuine dejection. When she could tell that I was legitimately upset and not feeling like my normal, silly-daddy self, she knew. And she gave me a hug.

And it was the best I've felt all week.

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Wild Kingdom

It's good to be king. And right now, Mike and Nate of Thank Heaven For Beer/Wilderness Brewing Co. have to be feeling like royalty. With just about an hour left in their Kickstarter campaign, the entrepreneurial duo has already exceeded their fundraising goal, which will allow them to open the nanobrewery they dreamed of.

When I blogged about their Kickstarter campaign before, I was genuinely optimistic and excited for them to raise the money they needed to accomplish their dream. And now that the funding has been reached, I am even more optimistic and excited to see their progress as they build their brewery and begin creating artistic and unique brews for beer geeks like myself to enjoy.

I anticipate this won't be my last blog post about Wilderness Brewing Co. I have every intention of following their progress, and once their beers are available, I have no doubt they'll be making an appearance (if not multiple appearances) in my Beats and Beer Friday posts.

Mike and Nate, my sincerest congratulations go out to the both of you. And if you are ever in need of an outsider's taste buds to test your batches, I am ready and willing to sacrifice for the cause!

If you are on Twitter, make sure to go tweet Mike and Nate and give them your congratulations.

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Midwest Dud Fest

My daughter is finally starting to reach the age where we can venture out and find entertainment from a variety of sources and events. Long gone are the days of 'she's just a baby, she'll have no idea what the hell is going on.' So, when I recently heard that an event called Midwest Kids Fest was going to be taking place in Overland Park, I immediately checked it out and planned to attend with Ava.

The list of entertainment options sounded great. Kids activities! Games! Kids characters! Stage entertainment! Interactive workshops! And with tickets only $5, how could you pass something like this up? Well, as I learned after attending, pretty easily once you find out what the event is REALLY about.

I'll cut to the chase: Midwest Kids Fest is a glorified trade show aimed at getting parents' information for vendors to use as sales leads. One thing I WISH I had looked at before attending was who the vendors were. Let's take a look at some of the wonderful organizations that my daughter had available to her:

Bath Fitter
First Investors
Fulk Chiropractic
Hague Quality Water
Leonardi Chiropractic (who knew kids had so many skeletal issues)
Mary Kay
Mutual of Omaha
ReBath
Renewal by Andersen (replacement windows)
St. Clair Corporation (windows and vinyl siding)

Now, maybe I'm alone here, but my child doesn't have a lot of interest in home remodeling, investing or cosmetics. Now obviously, I "get" that the organizers know that parents are going to be there, and can make money from  parent-focused vendors that buy booth space. But despite the fact that I "get" it, I think it sucks. Don't label yourself a 'Kids Fest' when your main attraction is trade show style booths with pushy vendors trying to slang their product or weasel parents into filling out contact information forms. Pardon my French, but no, I don't want a fucking water evaluation, I want to have fun with my daughter. THAT'S what I paid for. Not your sales pitch.

These kids seem awfully happy to have their parents hounded by salespeople.

I guess it's only fair to note that there WERE activities and fun things for kids to do. Of course, the majority of them cost extra money, which is conveniently unmentioned in the promotion of the event. Want your face painted? 5 bucks. Want a balloon animal? 5 more bucks. Want to feed the goats at the petting zoo? Give us a dollar for a 2 ounce Dixie cup of food. Fortunately, my daughter is very thrifty and was picking up the food off the floor that other kids had dropped. Way to beat the system, Ava!

And the kids characters that were supposedly there? Never saw one. One of the main things I was taking my daughter there to see was Elmo (she has a mild obsession) and it never happened. I know they were there at SOME point, because I've seen other people with pictures of Buzz Lightyear, but apparently you have to hit the perfect 15 minute window of time in order to make this happen. Or maybe you are just supposed to pay extra to meet the costumed characters.

So there you have it. All in all, Midwest Kids Fest was a joke of an event. When I left, I wasn't mad, but I was disappointed. However, what happened later DID make me mad.

I took to Facebook to see if anyone else had been disappointed in the event. Sure enough, one of the first comments I saw on the Midwest Kids Fest Facebook page was a mother who had the same concerns and feelings I did. She had expressed them in a perfectly constructive and calm manner on their Facebook Wall. I commented on her post and said that I felt the same way and gave some suggestions for how to improve the event.

I revisit the page maybe 30 minutes later to see if there's been any other discussion or activity and…wait a minute, where did our comments go? Yep, deleted. Now, as a blogger, and heavy social media user both in my professional and personal life, I know there's one big no-no when it comes to handling your business' social media pages: deleting negative comments that are actually constructive. I didn't go on a swear-fueled rant. I didn't call names, I didn't do anything aggressive or inappropriate. But apparently Midwest Kids Fest would prefer to delete and ignore people's opinions than address them and try to improve their lackluster event.

Now, this just fueled my fire and I wrote another post on their Wall, telling them that I thought it was ridiculous that they deleted the comments, especially when they were constructive criticisms. Well, what do you know, this was deleted too. Now, somebody did message me (I'm assuming an organizer of the event) telling me that any criticisms or suggestions should be directed to some form on a website, blah blah blah, but I thought this was still a sad attempt at damage control. Don't start a social media page if you aren't prepared to deal with issues in a PUBLIC forum. What's especially funny is that the majority of the positive comments/compliments on their page right now are from vendors. Imagine that!

Interestingly enough, I also spoke to a vendor (who will remain unnamed) from the event who agreed completely with what I said. Specifically, the vendor said that the event needs to focus more on activities for the kids and less on sales gimmicks.

Weird, Midwest Kids Fest, you have multiple attendees and even a vendor saying the same thing about your event..maybe it's actually true? Maybe these are legitimate concerns? I guess we'll never know as long as you keep deleting and ignoring people's comments. Constructive criticism doesn't make you any money, so I guess that's why it's not important to you.

Parents, I advise you to avoid this event in the future unless they make some notable changes. If you want a petting zoo, go to Deanna Rose where it only costs $2 to get in, and there are a lot more animals. If you want to paint your kids faces, go get a kit from the store. You could probably paint 20 kids faces for the cost of getting one cheek done at Midwest Kids Fest. Want balloon animals? Well, I don't really know how to help you with that unless you have a trained clown in your immediate family. But you get the idea.

Parents, save your hard-earned money and don't buy your way into an uncomfortable, deceitful venue where the focus is vendors trying to push their wares and services on YOU. No event deserves to take advantage of your desires to entertain your children by turning you into a sales lead.

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College Me vs. Dad Me

At first glance, the college version of me and the dad version of me might look incredibly similar. However, like many things, the devil is in the details. Here's an illustrated guide to determining the difference between a college student worn out from excessive partying and a young dad worn out from excessive fathering. (click to expand image)

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Beats and Beer Friday

It's been a few weeks since I've had Beats and Beer Friday but I've drank/will be drinking too much good beer and listening to too much good music to skip it again this week.

Here are my latest recommendations:

Beats

Big K.R.I.T. - Return of 4 Eva

It is too damn hot outside. It's the kind of hot where you don't even want to be outdoors, you just want to be inside, with the A/C blasting and slouching around on a comfortable couch or chair, cold drink in hand. Big K.R.I.T.'s Return of 4 Eva mixtape is the perfect music for lazy, laid back summer days. With a slow, molasses-like flow and a Southern drawl reminiscent of the late Pimp C (R.I.P.), this isn't your cookie-cutter, four to the floor dance club hip-hop. Big K.R.I.T.'s sample-driven, bass-thumping production (done by the man himself) takes it back a few years to the days of Southern hip-hop originators like UGK, Eightball & MJG, Goodie Mob, etc. It's hard not to listen to this mixtape and not take a trip into the past, and I mean that in the most complimentary fashion.



Recommended songs: R4 Theme Song, Dreamin, Made Alot, Get Right

Return of 4 Eva is a FREE mixtape that you can download here. While you're at it, you can follow Big K.R.I.T. on Twitter and Like him on Facebook.

Beer

Nebraska Brewing Company - Fathead

I know, I featured a beer from a Nebraska brewery last time; but what can I say, I was able to bring back quite a haul of beer from my recent trip to Omaha, and I couldn't NOT write about Fathead because it has easily become one of my new favorite beers.

Part of Nebraska Brewing Company's Reserve Series, Fathead is a barley wine that has been barrel aged. It has a pretty incredible balance of sweet and malty flavors, with just enough of a whiskey note to make it noticeable without being overpowering. It's definitely a boozy beer at over 11% ABV, but in drinking it you aren't overwhelmed with an alcohol taste. Thought barley wines may not be standard hot weather beer, this was an incredible sipper of a beer when I had it recently. I love that it's a 'big beer', but isn't so convoluted with ingredients that it makes the beer muddled and unenjoyable. It seems like the recent big beer trend has made a lot of breweries focus on putting as much crap as possible into their beers. Fathead is big, but simple at the same time. Does that make sense?

Quite frankly, I think I would love to enjoy a bottle of Fathead again while listening to Return of 4 Eva; forget syrup, I've got barley wine.

Check out Nebraska Brewing Company's website, follow them on Twitter and Like them on Facebook.

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A Pacifier Addiction PSA

Pacifier Addiction is no joke. Every day, pacifiers destroy children and their families worldwide. Join me in my pursuit to bring awareness to this disease that is taking over our babies' lives. Watch the video below and learn about the warning signs so you can identify the pacifier addict in your own home. Together, we can make a difference!




Disclaimer: The above video is meant to be satirical and does not reflect my true beliefs. I do not think pacifier addiction is a real problem. I had a binky until I was 4 and I turned out okay...right?!

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Girls: Embrace Your Inner Nerd!

I read a great article today from Brittney Wilson at My Reality Tech called 'Little Girls Need to Learn to Code'. The article talked about the lack of females in the technology world, and noted that by teaching girls about technology at a young age, parents could be setting their daughters up to have lucrative, successful careers. Not only that, but they will be contributing to an increased representation of empowered women in the world of technology. Simply put: Techie Girl Power!

This article got me to thinking; I'm obviously a technology nerd myself. By no means am I a hardcore coder, but I have dabbled in it and through my daily personal and professional life, I am constantly using technology and exploring new aspects of it. Now, I don't intend to sit my daughter down and push coding lessons upon her. Let's face it, web coding is an 'acquired taste' regardless of whether you are a boy or a girl. However, as she grows, if she happens to start displaying some of her father's nerdier tendencies, I will support her every step of the way. And if she ultimately decides she wants to pursue a career in something that might typically be described as nerdy, then I will celebrate it and cheer her on.

Dammit! Another Improper Neutralization of Special Elements error!

There's no denying that over the past few decades, women have made amazing strides in the professional world, and little girls now live in a world where they really do have the opportunity to do anything they want to do. However, there still exists a lot of pressure on young girls to fulfill the standard 'girly girl' mold. For every powerful woman like Anita Borg (founder of the Institute for Women and Technology) that took the 'less-traveled path' in life, there's a dozen cookie-cutter dimwits like Paris Hilton who convince young girls that the important things in life are money, partying, and dogs that fit in purses.

Now, of course, Ava could ultimately have no desire to pursue the nerdier side of life. She has shown a fair share of 'girly girl' tendencies thus far, so as far as I know, she may have every desire to be a cheerleader and yearn for the title of prom queen. Fair enough. As I said, I will support her with every ounce of my being. But regardless of what path she chooses in life, I will always remind her of one thing: You have the freedom to do whatever you want with your life. Pay no attention to what others tell you to do or what others tell you is the 'right' way. If she wants to be a web developer, so be it. Maybe she'll want to be an engineer. Maybe she'll throw everybody off and decide she wants to be a Air Force pilot. A botanist. An artist. The options are infinite, and that's important for her to know.

This blog post serves as my official call for all little girls out there to embrace whatever calling or desire they have inside of them. Regardless of how outside the box or nerdy it may seem, reach out to it with open arms and explore it. You owe it to yourself to do what you love, even if it's not the typical 'girl fare'. Of course, if enough of you start pursuing these careers, maybe the tables will eventually be turned and your love WILL become typical girl fare.

And on the same note, to you parents: support your daughters! It's that simple. Be there for them and give them your confidence and love no matter what they hope to accomplish. Now of course, there are extreme exceptions: if your daughter's goal is to start a successful meth lab, it's okay to intervene and put your foot down. But I digress; the important message is that our daughters have incredible educational and professional opportunities available to them now. Let's do everything we can as mothers and fathers to not only ensure that they succeed, but ensure they succeed while doing something they truly love, regardless of how it might be labeled.

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