If My Toddler Tweeted

Given her affinity towards cell phones, she's probably not too far off anyway..

Life - Just a Long Game of Super Mario Brothers

If only we could warp past all of our problems...

My Daughter Can Do Tricks, Wanna See?

No flaming hoops yet, though. YET...

They make WHAT for babies?

10 products I didn't know existed until I became a dad.

A Toddler Divided

Forget the NFL labor disputes, the biggest battle in sports involves my toddler and her Grandpas.

9/14/11

The Elmo Trance

My daughter is coming up on 2 years old, which basically means that few, if any, things in this world can get her to sit still and pay attention for more than 5 seconds. Every day is a whirlwind of short-lived activities and sporadic, pinball-like movement that would dizzy any adult trying to keep up.

However, there is one special creature that can magically hold her attention for an extended period of time..

Elmo.

Yep, that spastic, constantly cackling red pile of yarn that nearly all parents grow to love and hate simultaneously. I don't know what it is about this particular Muppet that sends my daughter into a near comatose state every time he's squealing and whining on the television.

I grew up a Sesame Street kid. But 20ish years ago, Elmo wasn't this childrens' mega-celebrity like he is now. If anything, Big Bird was the hot shot back in the 80's, what with movies like Follow That Bird and Big Bird in Japan ( To this day, I still remember the "Ohio means 'Good Morning', that's my favorite one! 1-2-3 is Iche, Nee, San!" song). Sometimes I wonder if Big Bird is pissed that this little ADHD-riddled, red lunatic stormed in and stole his thunder. But in the end, I guess it's the viewers that choose who becomes a star, like some kind of bizarre kids American Idol with puppets and slightly more annoying voices (except Adam Lambert, he wins that competition by miles).

But I digress with my Sesame Street-reality show analogies. The point here is that I am floored by the fact that Elmo can keep my daughter's undivided, complete attention for such a long time. Right now her favorite thing to watch is an Elmo's World DVD that is around 40 minutes long, and she sits still for the WHOLE THING. 40 minutes! To you non-parents out there, that might seem like something to scoff at, but to me, 40 minutes of my child sitting still is equivalent to the heavens opening up and raining down beer and $100 bills (okay, maybe not quite, but pretty close). And let's face it, it's not like this is groundbreaking material; the entire show focuses on Elmo finding out about hats, jackets and shoes. But as I've watched this DVD a few times, I realize what the appeal is for children. Elmo's World is like one giant acid trip.

The Elmo Trance in full effect.

Seriously though, think about it. He lives in a house created with crayons that has living doors and drapery. His best friend is a goldfish named Dorothy whose thoughts he can see. A strange homeless drunk named Mr. Noodle lives in the alley right outside his window, and is seen as a source of advice and entertainment. Inanimate objects regularly come to life and hold conversations with Elmo. And at the end of the day, Elmo sings a song to the same tune, repeating the same word over..and over..and OVER. And this is all done as Elmo runs around laughing maniacally and referring to himself in the third person.

It's this simple: my daughter gets stuck in a catatonic trance induced by the hallucinogenic world of Elmo and his friends.  Watching Elmo is like dropping acid or eating mushrooms for toddlers. They get transported into a confusing, over-stimulating world of abnormal characters and imagery where all they can do is try their best to focus for an hour and figure out what the hell is going on. And if they break that focus, who knows what could happen. All they can do is grip the sides of their high chair, car seat, couch, etc. and hang on for dear, furry life.

While there are times when Elmo makes me want to tear my own ears off (another hallucinogenic effect?), I have to appreciate that fact that he can help reign in my daughter's attention for longer than 2 minutes. Enjoy your virtual Muppet-led acid trip, Ava; it better be the only kind you ever have!

9/1/11

Help me send a girl to STEM Camp

While the recent JC Penney 'I'm too pretty to do homework..' t-shirt fiasco has resulted in a lot of negative and angry response on the Internet, I decided to take a different approach to how I reacted. I'm not going to create an angry petition. I'm not going to harass them on Facebook and Twitter. Nor am I going to create a product to sell where I turn around and pocket the profits. This situation isn't about opportunism or seeing who can yell the loudest in response. This situation should be about promoting the organizations and people that encourage positive academic development in our girls nationwide.

I came across the organization Girlstart, which is an Austin, Texas based group that has a goal of empowering girls in science, technology, engineering and math. They hold numerous events throughout the year, including summer camps where girls get to explore these subjects and expand their minds.

Because sending a girl to one of these camps is costly ($350), Girlstart has set up a Summer Camp Scholarship Fund that allows people to donate and help send a girl to camp. So here's my request for all of you that are able:

Help me send a girl to STEM Camp. 

Is there a better way to show your support for girls' academic achievement then to help send one to a camp that focuses on science and mathematics? Boycotting JC Penney isn't going to help. Sending a girl to camp will.

Visit my Crowdrise page and help me raise $350 to send a girl to camp. If we raise even more than that, great! Note that all donations made on Crowdrise go DIRECTLY to the organization; no shady business going on.

Please spread this post and the link to my Crowdrise page to all parties that you think may be interested. We owe it to our girls to do everything we can to encourage their academic development and cultivate their interest in learning.




Drinking for Joplin

When you already love drinking great beer, it makes the experience even more enjoyable when you can benefit a charitable cause while doing so. Kansas City's hometown brewery, Boulevard Brewing Company, recently announced that for every barrel of Boulevard beer sold in Missouri during the month of September, they will donate $1 toward the Joplin, Missouri relief efforts. As a reminder to those that may be out of the loop, Joplin was hit by a deadly EF5 tornado in late May that destroyed most of the city.

Full press release from Boulevard:

Boulevard Brewing Company is proud to announce a new effort to assist victims of the devastating tornado that hit Joplin on May 22. For every barrel of Boulevard beer sold in Missouri during the month of September, the company will contribute $1.00 to the American Red Cross to aid in its ongoing Joplin relief efforts. Irrespective of the Boulevard brand or package—a six-pack, a Smokestack bottle, or a pint at any Missouri bar or restaurant—money will be contributed to the humanitarian organization.

“We haven’t forgotten,” said John McDonald, Boulevard founder and president. “And with 40% of our sales taking place in the state, we hope to be able to make a meaningful contribution to the long road of restoration that lies ahead, helping our fellow Missourians rebuild their homes, their neighborhoods, and their lives.”

The EF5 multiple-vortex tornado that destroyed one-third of Joplin was one of the worst natural disasters in Missouri history. Meteorologists indicate that the 190-mph twister was the single deadliest tornado to strike the country in more than 60 years, claiming 134 lives and damaging or destroying more than 2,000 buildings, including Joplin High School and St. John’s Regional Medical Center. Analysts estimate the total cost of the disaster could top $3 billion.

“It’s no secret that Boulevard beer is one of Kansas City’s treasures,” said Matt Meyer, chief executive officer for the Greater Kansas City Chapter of the American Red Cross, “and the Red Cross is incredibly grateful that such an esteemed company has decided to demonstrate its commitment to its local communities throughout Missouri by assisting us in the Joplin relief effort.”

It's great to hear about this effort from Boulevard, and it makes me even more inclined to drink their beer during the month of September. So if you live in Missouri, or will even be stopping through at any point during the month of September, pick up some Boulevard beer and help Joplin get restored. Maybe now is the perfect time to try their new release, Nommo Dubbel. And especially now that FEMA funds are being redirected from Joplin to Hurricane Irene victims, it's as important as ever to contribute in any way we can to get this city back on its feet.

Learn more about Boulevard Brewing Company on their website, Facebook or Twitter pages.



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