Beats and Beer Friday

Once again, it's been a long break since I've done Beats and Beer Friday, but I'm excited to bring it back. The beats and beer selections this week juxtapose each other a bit; my music selection is an up and coming artist who I guarantee will make a big splash in hip hop, while the beer selection is a regular favorite of mine that is sadly going to no longer be available where I live.

Beats

G-Eazy

Now in the past, I've highlighted a specific album, but this time, I'm focusing on an artist as a whole because I've been so enamored with exploring his music. I pretty much discovered G-Eazy by accident after recently listening to the A3C Volume I Compilation. I had originally copped the album for a few other artists that I enjoyed, but his song 'Rebel' suddenly became my runaway favorite from the collection.

As I usually do, I proceeded to do my Internet research and found a couple of albums of G-Eazy's, which I downloaded and immediately started playing for I went to bed. Needless to say, I was sucked in. I went to bed not wanting to put the headphones down, and was very excited to start playing his music again when I woke up and headed off to work.

It's hard to pin a specific style down on this Bay Area emcee and producer. A number of his songs off of his most recent release, Endless Summer, have a retro pop feel (samples of The Crystals and Dion, among others, certainly help contribute to this), while track off his ealier release, The Outsider, touch on dubstep, club rap and even R&B influences. However, unlike other artists who do this because they can't grasp where their 'place' is in hip-hop, G-Eazy successfully pulls off all of these incarnations. It makes his music consistently fresh and enjoyable. I suggest gathering up as much of his music as you can, going on a long drive and hitting shuffle on his songs. You won't be disappointed.






Want to find out more about G-Eazy? You can visit his website, Facebook page or Twitter page.


Beer

Bear Republic Racer 5 IPA

The states of Kansas and Missouri received some sad beer-related news this past week, as we found out that Bear Republic, out of Healdsburg, CA, will no longer be distributing in either state. While many breweries are scaling back distribution due to heavy demand, and the Kansas City area has felt a couple losses because of that, seeing Bear Republic go is incredibly disappointing. A consistently good and well-priced brewer is something you never want to see disappear, and in this case, it hit close to home because Racer 5 was one of the first IPA's I ever tried.

To me, Racer 5 is simply one of the best balanced IPA's around. It has a nice hit of hops without being overloaded with bitter aftertaste, and there's a touch of sweetness that compliments the hops without turning it into a sugary mess. If the BeerAdvocate and RateBeer reviews are any indication, the majority of people who have had this beer tend to agree that it's an excellent example of the style. Plus, at a pretty respectable price point, it's something that a craft beer 'rookie' can try without having to worry about blowing money on something they won't enjoy.

So Racer 5, and Bear Republic as a whole, I salute you. You will certainly be missed around these parts, and I know I'm not the only one that feels this way. I have every intention of stocking up on Bear Republic brews over the next couple weeks before they disappear from the shelves. And for all of you that still have Bear Republic distributed in your area, don't pass Racer 5 over. Grab some for yourself this weekend and enjoy.

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Parents Are Weird

Last night at a friend's house, her roommate showed me a project she had been working on; painting a plaster cast that her friend had molded around her pregnant belly. This was certainly not the first time I had seen or heard of a pregnant woman making a cast of her stomach, but it got me to thinking. Because the fact is..it's kind of strange. In fact, there are a lot of bizarre things that people start doing once they become parents that to the outside world, probably seem a little freakish.

Now, before I get into my examples, I should note that I mean no offense to any of you parents who partake in these activities (except maybe number 4). In fact, I'm guilty of at least one and who knows what I might fall victim to in the future. But the fact is, as a parent you have to laugh at yourself a bit and realize that having children kind of turns us into lunatics.

Saving hair and teeth

I put this one first because it's probably the most common and the one I'll probably catch the most heat for. Saving 'baby's first lock' and 'baby's first tooth' as keepsakes seems to be a pretty widely accepted practice. But can we stop for a second and look at this for what it is? YOU ARE SAVING A HUMAN BEING'S HAIR AND TEETH. When a loved one passes away, do we snip off their bangs and pull out a tooth to preserve their memory? No, because that would be super creepy. Just because the person is alive doesn't eliminate that creepy factor, it only lessens it slightly. When somebody asks about your child, do you think they want to be greeted with a Ziploc bag containing hair follicles and a molar? No. Show them a damn picture already and leave it at that.

Matching outfit family portraits

I just want to thank all the families that insist on wearing matching clothes in their annual family photos. I mean, without the matching outfits, I might have just thought it was a picture of some random strangers who happened to congregate for a smiling photo in a grassy field. But dammit, those slim fit khakis and untucked white linen shirts let everybody know 'Hey, we're a FAMILY. We get along so well with each other that we coordinated these matching outfits and LOVE it!' Don't worry though, we'll ignore Junior scowling in the corner and the fact that you wear different outfits the other 364 days and 22 hours of the year. Just remember, at some point you will run out of colors to wear, and I don't think matching plaid will make for a very aesthetically pleasing portrait.

Do you REALLY want to model your family portraits after the Partridges?

Stick figure window decals

First of all, if you have a family of more than 4 kids, don't even think about ordering one of these. Nobody wants to sit there and stare at your small army of line people at a stoplight, and your 12 passenger Ford Econoline van gives us a pretty good indication that you have procreated way too many times. But even for the rest of you, I have to ask: Why? Why do you find it necessary to inform the driver behind you of your family lineup? Especially when you include NAMES on the decal too. Do you think that, if we happen to end up at the same destination, I'm going to come up and greet you? "Hey Bill, I just wanted to say I really appreciated how quick you were on the gas at those red lights. And I sure hope Kelsey stayed entertained with that Little Mermaid DVD in the back!" Trust me, with our without a decal, we can tell you have kids. Between your erratic driving as you try to discipline them and their faces pressed up against the window harassing other drivers, nobody is questioning the fact that you have some very lovely little tikes riding along.

Pageants

Now this one..this goes beyond weird parental behavior and really reaches the depths of creepy and gross. Are there normal, respectful pageant parents out there that have their child's best interest at heart? Maybe, but if so, I've never seen or heard about them. Quite frankly, I don't see what part of painting up your young daughter and dressing her like she's working a corner translates to healthy, beneficial behavior. Your child is a human, not your little doll that you can take advantage of and live vicariously through. If you want to treat something like a soulless creature that you can prance around for competition purposes, go buy a cat and enter the Cat Fanciers Association National Show. Just please quit trying to force your daughters to act 15 years older than their age and teaching them that being the prettiest is how you 'win' in life. Simply put, pageant parents should be flogged with curling irons and thrown into a giant vat of boiling eyebrow wax.

Leashes

Okay, so admittedly, I was a leash kid. Temporarily, anyway. I was very high energy, and after a few shopping trips where I disappeared inside the circular racks at JC Penney, she resorted to trying a leash. It didn't last long. As the story goes, one day while I was out with her, being trotted along on my leash, I had apparently decided I was fed up and wouldn't put up with it anymore. While I don't remember this, my mom claims I stopped in my tracks, turned and grabbed the leash, and gave it a solid yank accompanied by an echoing, bloodcurdling scream. Needless to say, the leash was not brought back out again. I understand that leashes (or 'safety harnesses', which I believe is the PC term) aren't inherently cruel, everyone has to admit that it's just strange to see a small child strapped up like an untrained Yorki-Poo. If you HAVE to use a leash, then by all means do it. But for the love of Whoever-You-Believe-In, exhaust all other options first. I'm convinced that my adult fears of seatbelts and suspenders are directly correlated to the incidents of being harnessed as a child.

Expensive devices for young kids

The other day, I saw someone tweet that their 5 and 3 year olds were playing with 'their' iPods. Wait, what? A 3 year old has his or her own iPod? First of all, money issues aside, what kind of music library does a 3 year old have that requires multiple gigabytes of space? Are you telling me that The Wiggles discography isn't something that could be chopped down and put onto a CD or 2? And besides that, aren't you just flushing money down the toilet by giving an expensive electronic device to a 3 year old? If you think that's a good investment of your money, I've got a bridge in Brooklyn that is a hot buy right now. Quite frankly, it seems like the 'acceptable' age for buying kids iPods, smartphones, etc. is becoming younger and younger. By giving a 3 year old an iPod, aren't you just setting them up to constantly expect electronics that are more expensive and more lavish as they get older? An iPad isn't a normal wish list item for a 5th birthday party. Kids aren't even going to learn to tie their shoes anymore because, hey, why bother going outside when I can sit inside and get hypnotized by an LCD screen?

I bet she's listening to Waka Flocka Flame.

Bronzed baby shoes

I don't know how common this is anymore, but it's still bizarre. You don't bronze their first poop in the toilet, so why bronze a pair of shoes? Here's an idea: instead of creating an expensive paperweight that, in 20 years, you'll recycle for 12 cents, donate your kids old shoes to someone who really needs them. As great as awkward, metallic mementos are, being able to help someone else's child take their first steps comfortably could be a million times more meaningful.

Pictures. Pictures. And more. Freaking. Pictures.

Right off the bat, I'll admit, I'm guilty of this one. But parents, we need to band together and have a self-intervention to convince ourselves to put the camera down sometimes. And on the same note, to resist the constant urges to upload every single picture to Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc. Yes, our kids are adorable and special and the best things on the planet. To us, anyway. But every meal, nose picking, nap, or new outfit doesn't necessarily need to be photographed. In reality, these moments might be more memorable and special if we step away from the lens and get involved rather than try to get the 'perfect' shot for our Facebook walls. And seriously, lay off the impromptu, uninvited gallery shows for co-workers, friends, etc. Keep in mind this is coming from a parent. I HAVE a kid, and still don't really care that much about seeing 500 pictures of someone else's kid. Sometimes I wish I could carry an air horn around to blast at people who do this, especially when a 10 minute story accompanies each photo.

Do I sound like a curmudgeony old man with this list? Yeah, probably. Hey, Andy Rooney's going to need a replacement, right? But like I said above, if you are guilty of any of these, don't get offended; just laugh. Except for the pageant stuff. Then throw yourself into an active volcano.

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Help Find Lisa Irwin

10-month-old Lisa Irwin went missing from her Kansas City home the night of October 3rd. At this point, it's believed that she was kidnapped.

What started as a case for local police has now expanded into a nationwide hunt for this little girl. The FBI has become involved, and the Irwins were in Good Morning America today, once again pleading for their daughter's abductor to return her, no questions asked.

Please see the flyer below with details on her disappearance and ways to reach out if you have any information that can help return this child to her parents. Although police have received 47 tips, many were vague and so far none have led to any big breaks in the case.

In case you can't see the image, here are links where you can find more information:

Facebook page

Kansas City Star articles

ABC News article

CBS News article

If you have any information on Lisa's disappearance, PLEASE call the Kansas City TIPS hotline at 816-474-TIPS or 911. I can't imagine the pain these parents are going through, and if we can pull together as a country and look for this little girl, who knows? Maybe we can help make a miracle happen and reunite the Irwins with their little girl.

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The Defiant Toddler Drinking Game

My daughter has officially begun her "No" phase, and has started things off in full force. Every question asked of her is promptly countered with a defiant "No!" But rather than spout out a long-winded post about my experiences with terrifying phase that every parent has to deal with, I instead decided to create a method of dealing with the issue. Parents, please see The Defiant Toddler Drinking Game below. Enjoy, and remember to parent in moderation!

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The Elmo Trance

My daughter is coming up on 2 years old, which basically means that few, if any, things in this world can get her to sit still and pay attention for more than 5 seconds. Every day is a whirlwind of short-lived activities and sporadic, pinball-like movement that would dizzy any adult trying to keep up.

However, there is one special creature that can magically hold her attention for an extended period of time..

Elmo.

Yep, that spastic, constantly cackling red pile of yarn that nearly all parents grow to love and hate simultaneously. I don't know what it is about this particular Muppet that sends my daughter into a near comatose state every time he's squealing and whining on the television.

I grew up a Sesame Street kid. But 20ish years ago, Elmo wasn't this childrens' mega-celebrity like he is now. If anything, Big Bird was the hot shot back in the 80's, what with movies like Follow That Bird and Big Bird in Japan ( To this day, I still remember the "Ohio means 'Good Morning', that's my favorite one! 1-2-3 is Iche, Nee, San!" song). Sometimes I wonder if Big Bird is pissed that this little ADHD-riddled, red lunatic stormed in and stole his thunder. But in the end, I guess it's the viewers that choose who becomes a star, like some kind of bizarre kids American Idol with puppets and slightly more annoying voices (except Adam Lambert, he wins that competition by miles).

But I digress with my Sesame Street-reality show analogies. The point here is that I am floored by the fact that Elmo can keep my daughter's undivided, complete attention for such a long time. Right now her favorite thing to watch is an Elmo's World DVD that is around 40 minutes long, and she sits still for the WHOLE THING. 40 minutes! To you non-parents out there, that might seem like something to scoff at, but to me, 40 minutes of my child sitting still is equivalent to the heavens opening up and raining down beer and $100 bills (okay, maybe not quite, but pretty close). And let's face it, it's not like this is groundbreaking material; the entire show focuses on Elmo finding out about hats, jackets and shoes. But as I've watched this DVD a few times, I realize what the appeal is for children. Elmo's World is like one giant acid trip.

The Elmo Trance in full effect.

Seriously though, think about it. He lives in a house created with crayons that has living doors and drapery. His best friend is a goldfish named Dorothy whose thoughts he can see. A strange homeless drunk named Mr. Noodle lives in the alley right outside his window, and is seen as a source of advice and entertainment. Inanimate objects regularly come to life and hold conversations with Elmo. And at the end of the day, Elmo sings a song to the same tune, repeating the same word over..and over..and OVER. And this is all done as Elmo runs around laughing maniacally and referring to himself in the third person.

It's this simple: my daughter gets stuck in a catatonic trance induced by the hallucinogenic world of Elmo and his friends.  Watching Elmo is like dropping acid or eating mushrooms for toddlers. They get transported into a confusing, over-stimulating world of abnormal characters and imagery where all they can do is try their best to focus for an hour and figure out what the hell is going on. And if they break that focus, who knows what could happen. All they can do is grip the sides of their high chair, car seat, couch, etc. and hang on for dear, furry life.

While there are times when Elmo makes me want to tear my own ears off (another hallucinogenic effect?), I have to appreciate that fact that he can help reign in my daughter's attention for longer than 2 minutes. Enjoy your virtual Muppet-led acid trip, Ava; it better be the only kind you ever have!

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